Dear bestie

Dear bestie,

Yes indeed maybe you have been wondering why I haven't gotten back to you. And I am also wondering why you haven't gotten back to me. We are both thinking about it very thoroughly? That's my guess.

But I guess now I know the answer. You hate me don't you. Everything I've done was just to make you upset, I suppose this is how you feel. I don't blame you. Cos I'm an insensitive prick who doesn't know how to comfort people and my words are like daggers. I hadn't been sensitive to you and everyone so I constantly make others frustrated cos of that. And I've said I'll change, and I felt I have, but Idk why you didn't see it at first. Now I see it. Everyday I'm acting like a happy kiddo while my best friend is at her lowest and upset about our friendship. I don't blame you, it's me who's at fault. I'm constantly making you depressed and making you choose the wrong decisions in life. Everything was done for me and yet I didn't notice it.

But now I'm asking you to give our friendship one last chance. This will be a test of whether we can be besties for a very long time, hopefully for life. Like you hope that it won't be short-lived, I do too. No, I may not show it but I really do love you. I love hanging out with you and spending time tgt. You're gonna scoff at this but this is true. You might or might not believe it, but this is 101% true.

Please, I'm asking you to reconsider. If you think having me in your life is just gonna make you more depressed, I'm not gonna force you or anything. But all I'm asking for is one last shot at this friendship. This is what I really want.

Please? <3

I do believe

You? Me? Maybe not?

When I looked at your pic, it sent shudders all over. Cos you look even better than before. I should prolly stop this. I’m over you. Why do I keep going back and reliving those moments when it felt so right, so good?

I know why.

No actually I don’t.

Or maybe I do ^^

My insecurities. Compared to so many people out there, I don’t have a nice smile, I have a vampire teeth sticking out on my left side of my mouth, and the fact that I’m awake now at 1.30am typing this when I was supposed to go and read my Confetti Confidential book at 11pm that I’m supposed to return to the library later -.- I guess I’ll just read it when I’m meeting Mandy to study later. (YEAH I have nothing to study! So Idk why I’m going! FOR FUN AND LAUGHTER PEACE AND JOY OH YEAH) Even the person you fancied last time was so pretty and has millions of guys chasing after her. That made me feel worse when I found out about it. Even though it meant nothing to me after I was over you, sometimes I still find myself being a teeny bit envious of that. God pls help me not to covet!!

And I always sweat a lot. Even in air-con I can sweat buckets -.- And I’ve just chosen a very sweaty and messy pic of me as my dp on Facebook. Oh dear. IDK WHY I EVEN CHANGED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Should I change it again? Maybe. Maybe not.*Procrastination in progress*

Alright Imma get down to the point. Point is, I’m over you. Completely over you. It took like super long okay, like 1 year. And during that 1 year I kept relapsing back. Cos I kept seeing you in school. I guess the phrase “out of sight, out of mind” is really true. But I notice I tend to go to your profile every now and then to check it out. And even though you’re leading another life, preparing for your Os now, and me, waiting to enter Poly and start a whole new life.

Maybe I’m harping on the past.

I just wanna concentrate on being who God called me to be, how He always encourages me by telling me He created each and every one of us in His own image, and how unique and special we are created and how all of us are extremely and absolutely precious in His eyes, using the gifts He gave me for His good and kingdom, letting Him mould me and use me for His good and kingdom, and the fact that I really wanna not screw things up again by listening to God, and to focus on the other person more, because right now, to me, he is the most ideal person I have seen so far. And he reminds me of the guy in Carly Rae Jepson’s Call Me Maybe mv ^^ Just that he’s straight.

Tata!

Updating

I'm updating my blog! Haven't blogged in a long time cos I'm too pooped to and cos I've been watching How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory :)

 



So moving on!

I realised how much I've changed since Primary School and Secondary 1, 2 and 3 days. I shall not include Sec 4 days since it was just last year and I don't think I've changed much since Sec 4..

WHY???????????????????????

Idk.

And I've just realised I haven't posted my Os results yet LOL. Okay no one reads my blog but I'm just gonna post it anyways.

English - A2
Core History - A2
Combined Humanities (SS/Geog) - A1
EMaths - B4
POA - B4
Combined Science (Physics/Chem) - B4
Chinese - C5

ELR2B2 (Poly) - 13 without CCA points, 11 with CCA points
L1R5 (JC) - 17 without CCA points, 15 with CCA points
L1R4 (MI) - Same as my Poly score

Sooo... Here you go. Here we are.
Thank God for these results! :D I seriously dk how I got them. I was expecting like 16-18 points. But alas! Thank God!! :D It's really God's grace and wisdom hahah! :)

Then I rmb when it was my turn I was feeling jelly. Then Eunice was already screaming in the hall LOL (Sorry I just HAD to put this in HAHAH it's just too hilarious!!). When I approached Mr Kee and Ms Tong's table in the front of our class in the hall, Ms Tong asked me to sign beside my name and then after that Mr Kee handed me the school magazine and results slip. While he was doing that, he smiled and said "Good job". Then I started to get nervous (okay I was nervous the moment I entered the hall with Yuqing. Partly cos we were one of the last people to get there, and one of the few who didn't wear school uniform). So I turned and took a few steps away from the table. And I looked at the results slip which was hidden behind the school magazine.

When I saw it, MY JAWS DROPPED. First I stared at it, taking in the info. Then, I saw Dana and Yuqing looking at me from a distance. I rushed to them and starting jumping and saying "I only got one C, I only got one C, I only got one C...." Then for no reason whatsoever I started crying -.- And Dayna happened to see me crying then she came over and asked me how was it. I was struggling to tell her that I only got one C, but the words couldn't come out cos I felt a lump in my throat and was already crying. Then she thought I gotten bad results so she hugged me and after that, I just shoved my paper at her cos Idk what to say alr LOL. Then she was like "WALAO YOU CRY FOR WHAT" I really had no idea why I cried -.- Tears of joy I suppose :D

And in the distance I could see my Choir juniors (Xiangwei, Jordan Chia, Siew Ying, Janice, Gillian Tong, Sharon Chong and An Yi. Forgive me if I missed out anyone, I forgot already :X) looking at me, shocked. Cos I was crying and they didn't know if it was good or bad. So I approached them and showed them. Then they all also gave the same reaction. "THEN YOU CRY FOR WHAT" -.- After doing some calculations, they asked me to open the envelope/paper which contained my points. Then ZOOWEEMAMA. I jumped even more and cried even more after seeing the points. Then Loren found me while I was retrieving my bag lol.

The reason why I'm recalling all these is cos I wanna store them in my memory forever and ever, until the day I die.
To show those people who looked down on my studies that I can make it.
To show that I can study.
To show that God was, is and will always be by my side, performing miracles as long as I have faith that He will make everything turn out for the better. Without Him, I would never have gotten these results. All credit, glory, honour and thanksgiving goes to God and God only. This is probably one of the greatest miracles He has worked in my life so far. And I just wanna take a moment to say, Thank You Lord, for everything You have done in my life, esp these amazing, amazing, awesome results! :D <3

And I wanna take a moment to thank my family and friends for helping me and encouraging me in the whole of my life and esp during my PSLE and Os period! :D
PSLE was an ABSOLUTE miracle too!! :D Remember getting my results while holidaying in Korea LOL. I couldn't sleep the night before, and had a bad stomache/diarrohea thingy on that day itself, so my lunch was just eggy soup.. Then I was at this awesome theme park called Everland :) And my stomache acted up again so I went to the toilet. After I came out of the toilet my Uncle said he'd just received news from my teacher (Cao Lao Shi :)) and told me my results. Heh why my Uncle, cos my teacher couldn't get through to my Dad's phone :X

So that's it. These are the memories I wanna store in my head forever :)

Okay gotta sleep already, having a picnic tmr with Eunice, Gillian, Tika and Yuqing! :D And Combined Cell at church after that wooohoooo!! :D

And this song has blessed me greatly! :D

Nathan Sykes 1

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Thank you so much God!

Thank you so much dear God so these awesome results! I couldn't have done it without you so ever-present in my life :) You were the one who gave me the strength, wisdom, faith and courage to persevere on and to keep studying and moving on even though there were many disappointments, failures and setbacks. Even though I was going through a rough time in the middle of Os after what happened to Granny, you were the one who gave me the peace to continue studying and moving on, knowing that she's safe and sound in your hands and with you in heaven :) You were the one behind all these awesome results. And I just wanna thank you and give all my praises to you. All Glory and Honour to my Awesome God! :D

Candles ; For The First Time

The power lines went out
And I am all alone
I don't really care at all
Not answering my phone

All the games you played
The promises you made
Couldn't finish what you started
Only darkness still remains

Lost sight, couldn't see
When it was you and me
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
I'm beginning to see the light
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
But I think I'll be alright

Been black and blue before
There's no need to explain
I am not the jaded kind
Playback's such a waste

You're invisible
Invisible to me
My wish is coming true
Erase the memory of your face
Lost sight, couldn't see
When it was you and me

Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
I'm beginning to see the light
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
But I think I'll be alright

One day you will wake up
With nothing but, "You're sorrys"
And someday you will get back
Everything you gave me

Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
I'm beginning to see the light
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
But I think I'll be alright

She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart
While I'm drinking Jack all alone in my local bar and we don't know how
How we got into this mad situation, only doing things out of frustration
Trying to make it work, but, man, these times are hard
She needs me now but I can't seem to find the time
I got a new job now on the unemployment line and we don't know how
How we got into this mess, is it God's test? Someone help us 'cause we're doing our best
Trying to make things work, but, man, these times are hard
But we're gonna start by drinking our cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night, saying things we haven't for a while, a while, yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears, even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

She's in line at the dole with her head held high
While I just lost my job but didn't lose my pride, and we both now how
How we're going to make it work when it hurts, when you pick yourself up you get kicked to the dirt
Tryin' to make it work, but, man, these times are hard

But we're gonna start by drinking our cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night, doing things we haven't for a while, a while, yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears, even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

Drinking our cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night, saying things we haven't for a while, a while, yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears, even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

For the first time
Oh, for the first time
Yeah, for the first time
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

Oh, these times are hard, yeah, they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me, baby
Oh, these times are hard, yeah, they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me, baby

Oh, these times are hard, yeah, they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me, baby
Oh, these times are hard, yeah, they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me, baby