Cluttered

Recently my mind has been cluttered with so many things. Submissions and presentations are a pain, not to mention French speaking test is on Friday and I still can blog even though I have yet to do my Marketing proj lol.

But either way, just thought I should write a letter to my Heavenly Father here.

Writing and just simply talking to You has always been such a joy, and I enjoy every single minute of it because I know I am pouring my heart out to a one true Lord who truly understands and loves me.

I'm hurt and Idk what else to do but just follow You. I know everything happens for a reason and I don't have to worry cos You are in control of everything. Amen to that, really. But Idk why I just feel so hurt now. I feel like I was being used and played around with, and I felt my feelings were being treated loosely like it was nothing. Somehow, somewhere in my heart I feel it's not this way, but actions speaks louder than words and now looking at the situation, I really dk what to feel and what to do. But all I know is that I'm gonna heed advises, and really just follow You. I'm gonna give up alr, I don't think I wanna hold on any longer. I know that You have Your ways of making things turn out the way they are supposed to be, and I really can't tell what will happen, but You know. So for now I'm just gonna give up for real, hold on to it no longer, and let You lead me. Whether or not it happens, years down the road or not, I'm handing it all to You. I'm not gonna bother about it anymore. Even though I always tend to overthink and actually imagine a future and not want to let go, I pray that You pls help me turn away from this. I can't do it without You, it's too painful. Lord let not mine but Your will be done. I will go where You lead me, my Shepard. Take me to my destiny.

No regrets, just lessons learnt.

Forgive me of all my sins Lord. Make me a whole new better person and love people more. Love God, Grow People shall be my life.

Over the past few days, esp Fri and Sat, I really learnt a lot of things. Really thank God for such great leaders He placed in my life. Lord, now I truly understand why I have to go through these and why I chose to. Even though I really miss singing in Choir, and I really miss my Choirmates there, even my conductor lol. I miss going to the Alumni Lounge every Mondays and Tuesdays from 6.30-9.30pm, and I miss having dinner with awesome Choirmates too. I miss the feeling of going there to sing my heart out, and even though it's tough and tiring, somehow I feel rejuvenated for the next day and I feel like there's a hope I can cling on to and run to whenever I'm down, tired or just simply feel like singing. It has been such an integral part of my life (or rather, my whole life). Singing has always been such a joy to me. But now I realised sacrifices has to be made. Discipline and self-control comes in, and all these will work out for Yours and my good. Let Your will be done, Lord. Not mine but Yours be done. I believe Your plan is always the best for me. I must do my parents proud, I can't afford to disappoint any longer. Most importantly, I must do You proud. I want to be a living testimony for You. I'll always miss singing with them, and I feel like a part of my life is gone, but I guess this is part and parcel of life.

I immediately feel a lot better after submitting and opening my heart to You. Thank You, and I love You :')

Psalm 23:2 (NIV)
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,

O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress. - Isaiah 33:2

A million words

My mind is so cluttered with so many things.. I have a million words to say but I can't. Idk what to feel now, and I'm just sick and tired of everything. I'm really giving up this time. I can't believe you spoke with such confidence that day like as if we'd always stick with each other. I knew I shouldn't have placed to much hopes and expectations, I should've listened to others. Thank God for my awesome friends though, they really didn't want me to get hurt too much. Thanks guys :)

I'm really giving up this time, I won't hold on anymore. This will pass very quickly. I hope it won't take long. My mind keeps saying "run as fast as you can". So let me thank you for your time and try not to waste anymore of mine, get outta here fast.

God really taught me a lot, and I will always remember this experience.

I have to get out of my comfort zone, I can't afford to hold on any longer and stay where I am comfortable at. I'm gonna hold on no longer.

Lord, there's freedom from my past, and there's hope in my future. And You are my today, and You are my forever.