Letting go isn't as easy as I thought it would be. Making a lot of progress though. Thank God :)
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Reflections
Sudden reflection on my life as it is right now..
Yeah I should be chioning Japanese project given that both submission AND presentation's next Thurs oh my. But yeah lah can squeeze out some time lah. Just had an urge to blog.
My relationship with You has been good so far I guess. You've done everything already, and I thank You so much for it. For just being God, for just being in my life and showering Your love on me anytime and anywhere. Lord thank You so much. Now, it's my turn. It takes two hands to clap, I must be willing to love too. Love is not an emotion, it's a choice/decision. You've taught me so many things through everyday life, friends, Your Word, and Boy Meets Girl. Boy Meets Girl is prolly one of the best books I ever read. I can finally understand why relationships are to be taken seriously, and what we should and shouldn't do in relationships/courtships. Why everything is to be saved for the day of marriage. Everything we do should honour You, and if we really love the other person, we must honour him/her and make sure they do not get hurt because of our reckless actions. It's good preparation for the future :) I just haven't met him yet I think. But ahh studies first at this stage. Idw to think of anything that will distract me from studies, scoring a good gpa, getting into SMU and do God, parents, relatives and friends proud. Nothing is impossible. Help me have the discipline to do my work conscientiously and never give up or go and sleep when the going gets tough. Strengthen my relationship with You and faith in You as well Lord. Let me never have those wild thoughts at night ever again. Control my mind Lord. Strengthen it and push away all those wild thoughts that might come. I can do it with You. I will receive deliverance from You, with You by my side. So I lay everything to You. My life, my future, my present, my past, my opportunities, my regrets, my disappointments, my sadness, my happiness, my joy, my dreams, my hopes, my relationships, my whole life. Amen. Thank You so much Lord.. I won't know what to do without You.. Thank You for always being there for me, loving me always, helping me always, for encouraging me always. I wanna repay You but Idk how to, and it seems like the best way to do so is just to worship You alone, love You and honour You in everything I do. I love You Lord, and I give You my whole life, and we'll always be together, in eternity :)
My relationship with the people around me has been both good and not so good. Firstly I wanna thank God for giving and BLESSING me with my family, friends and everyone who's always been there :) Everyone is a blessing from God, and people are in your life for a reason.
I'm so thankful for my family and relatives. Mum & Dad aren't strict on me, but of cos the timing I come home matters lah hahah. But they aren't strict on me on stuff like academics etc, which I really am thankful for cos I don't like to be so stressed, and whenever I break down cos of studies (which I did a lot of in sem 1.2 -_-), they are the ones comforting me in the middle of the night, like 1am (like that time biz stats I thought my calculator spoilt but actually it was cos I keyed in the formula wrongly hahah walao). I am the one giving myself a lot of stress alr, to the point I can break down and freak out like nobody's business (which I happen to do a lot of), and imagine if they actually gave me stress too. I don't think I can handle it? Hahah. I wanna thank them for bringing me into this world, with their love and guidance. Step by step they watched me grow into who I am today, and they are the ones who supported me all my life, and slogged so hard outside. That's why I work whenever we have holidays (cos no time on weekends, and projects alr so burden lol) so I can earn my own expenses, and buy my own stuff using my own money. I try to push for sales at work cos I wanna earn more to support myself more. Idw to burden them esp even in their old age now.. I feel sometimes I have been ungrateful towards them, but everytime I see Mum coming back from work with dinner and putting up her feet on the sofa, and then dozing off infront of the TV, and when Dad comes home from work so late at night looking all tired and worn out but still with a smile on his face, I know that I should thank and love them with everything and with all I am, cos they are the blessings that God has placed in my life. And of cos there's the Bro, and for some reason Idk why I always feel more secure just knowing he's at home. That's why when he went NS last time I felt so scared and lost, cos I don't have this safe feeling at home. But he's gonnna ORD soon and weekends he's also at home, so I feel more safe hahahah. And I wanna thank him for being the best Bro in the world, for always encouraging me and telling me what to do when I'm lost, for guiding me on the right path, and ensuring that I grow in the Lord always. I may act like Idc about everything and anything esp towards him lol and sometimes the way I talk to him might be a bit rude (sorry ><), but I really love him so much, and I feel that having such a great brother is really, indeed a blessing from God. He is one of my bestest friends and definitely the closest family member to me, apart from Mum and Dad.
And not every family is so good to have awesome relatives, which I really should be grateful for. For Dad's side, I really thank God with all my heart that they are my family, cos all of them are my second Dads and Mums, and my couz is like a younger brother to me :) We always thoroughly enjoy our times tgt, and know each other inside out, and we all really love our family trips tgt woohoo!! Thanks to all who planned all our trips, really appreciate it. I wanna thank them for being my second Dads and Mums, and for treating us like your own children, I really feel all your love for us :') I wouldn't know what to do in life without you guys either, and there's so much to be grateful for.
I have a big extended family on Mum's side, consisting of 10 grandchildren (including Bro and I) and aunties and uncles!! They too treat us like their own children, and I hope that we will all grow to love each other more and more and come tgt as a family :) I'm sure Ah Ma would've loved it like that :) My cousins are a unique bunch and I love them all!! Hahha esp my dearest Faustina, we've always been tgt since young, and somehow our interests always been the same muahhaha. I look forward to all the gatherings we have as a family and hope we can always maintain that bond ;)
I'm so thankful to have a group of awesome ppl whom I see on a weekly basis and whom I know I can always rely on and trust. I feel strong bonds with these group of people, and they are none other than ZONE B!! Hahaha in good times and in bad times, just their happy presence makes me feel a whole lot better. Every week they never fail to make me laugh and have fun, and also at the same time grow deeper in my relationship with God through their experiences with God in their lives, and also the advises they give me. They're always there to listen, encourage, and pray for each other. I know that I will be growing old together with these group of people, and when we're old and retired we'll be sitting at the porch outside a house playing cards and drinking coffee/tea together. So glad to have these ppl in my life, like my dearest Dayna and Lauren, Sharm, Limay, BK and so many others :) I love and cherish every single one of them, and words just simply cannot express how loved and blessed I am to be in this zone, this church, and the God who brought us tgt :)
My Secondary School mates are another bunch of ppl I'm so thankful to have, and the ones whom I still see around in school and do meetups now and then are namely Eunice, Gillian, Jiemin, JTan and JM :) The F4-4 TP ppl!! They are currently the group of ppl from Sec Sch that I still see and talk to often haha. Love them all so much, and although we have our own unique personalities, everytime we hang out I can still see the old days in us. I can still see the kids who all started from GMPS all the way to GMSS, then to TP. When I look at them, I still see the young versions of us hahahhahahahah!!! Either way, I always look forward to seeing any of them ard in sch and of cos for our meetups :) Somehow we always meetup after exams one Idk why lol. Haha and of cos there's still the rest like Tika, Dana and Yuqing, and Choir peeps like Loren, Felicia, Jordan, Amy, Wenting and of cos dearest Shufang, whom I still see ard in TP too, and TP Chorale while I was still in there. These people bring back all the memories that we've had in GM tgt :) It makes me tear thinking how we all knew each other for such a long time :) For me, Sec Sch friends = Pri Sch friends too, since most of them came from GMPS to GMSS tgt too. I might've known some for more than 10 years alr!! Like.. Wow man. Idk why but GM students just seem to have this unity. Now that I look back at the memories we've all had, esp upper sec days (upper sec days were the best man), I really wish I could go back to those days and relive the moments, with each and every single one of them, even if we're still talking to each other now or not. Speaking of that I think we should have a class gathering soon! And meetup with the F4-4 TP ppl soon too :)
And Poly friends are an impt part of my life now as well :) Really so thankful for my Year 1 clique, DY, YT, QW and L hehe they're the best! I've had so many fun times with them in Year 1, and I can really feel the love and bonds formed with them :') Even through the many projects we had been through tgt for the whole year, all the crappy and late night moments we've had, those formed awesome memories that I've been through all these with you guys, and enjoyed every single bit of it. Though we're not in the same class anymore, we'll cont meeting for lunch dates every now and then!! Hahah Year 1 was really exciting and crazy with them!! And of cos not forgetting J, who always encourages me and builds me up in the Lord, really my awesome bro and bro-in-Christ :) Year 1 was so memorable with these people in it. And of cos, the peeps from TP Chorale, like Gwen and Anthea, Shufang and Ruhui and the rest! My passion has always been singing, esp in Choir. I can definitely say without a doubt that my time in TP Chorale was more memorable than the ones with GM Choir. Maybe it's cos my memories are all fuzzy but I really felt the bond with everyone from TP Chorale, and I think it's cos of all our passions. Like we really join just cos of our passion and love for Chorale, which is really so amazing, cos we all just click naturally. Miss them all so much, and gonna meet them up soon!! I feel bad for quitting but I really can't commit anymore.. I just dw to be in there but not go for practices etc. Well gonna meetup with them soon anyways hehe! And I can't thank God enough for my Year 2 class.. M01.. You guys really rock. I always have such a good laugh during tutorials and I'm grateful that there are so many believers in class :) And also thank God for an awesome project group, and I had lots of fun with them hahah. I can already feel that Year 2 is gonna be a fun year. It's gonna be tough, but with awesome ppl around, it's gonna be better :)
Now for work. Met 2 very awesome ppl, aka Kah Yen and Cong Le!! Muhahah can't say how much I love them for just being in my life! Just seeing them brightens up my day, and they're so lovable hehe. Like what I've said before, and what a lot of ppl say, it's a surprise work friends can be so close :) I really appreciate for all the little things they've done in my life and for making the effort to travel to meetup and stuff :) It's awesome knowing them and I really am so thankful for God to place them in my life.
Last but not least.. my dearest Sarah Chiang. Known this girl since I was born, until today. She's another friend whom I see myself sitting with on a porch playing cards or sitting in a pagoda and admiring the flowers around us. I've known her all my life, and I really thank God that she's always with me, if not, I would've felt so left out. Even as we went our separate ways from Pri Sch, annual meetups and stuff still keep us going, and randon talks on Twitter, Facebook and Whatsapp too :) Love her so much, and I cannot imagine how my childhood would've been without her. We'll go Strictly Pancakes sometime too!! :D Thank God for blessing me with her.
Basically, I've been reflecting on my life and I spent more than 1 hour typing this out oh my lol I don't have so much time what am I doing. Anyways so yeah I realise how awesomely blessed I am, and I should always count my blessings so I'll never be ungrateful :) Thank You for everything :D
And also, I've learnt to finally let go. Thank You :)
Yeah I should be chioning Japanese project given that both submission AND presentation's next Thurs oh my. But yeah lah can squeeze out some time lah. Just had an urge to blog.
My relationship with You has been good so far I guess. You've done everything already, and I thank You so much for it. For just being God, for just being in my life and showering Your love on me anytime and anywhere. Lord thank You so much. Now, it's my turn. It takes two hands to clap, I must be willing to love too. Love is not an emotion, it's a choice/decision. You've taught me so many things through everyday life, friends, Your Word, and Boy Meets Girl. Boy Meets Girl is prolly one of the best books I ever read. I can finally understand why relationships are to be taken seriously, and what we should and shouldn't do in relationships/courtships. Why everything is to be saved for the day of marriage. Everything we do should honour You, and if we really love the other person, we must honour him/her and make sure they do not get hurt because of our reckless actions. It's good preparation for the future :) I just haven't met him yet I think. But ahh studies first at this stage. Idw to think of anything that will distract me from studies, scoring a good gpa, getting into SMU and do God, parents, relatives and friends proud. Nothing is impossible. Help me have the discipline to do my work conscientiously and never give up or go and sleep when the going gets tough. Strengthen my relationship with You and faith in You as well Lord. Let me never have those wild thoughts at night ever again. Control my mind Lord. Strengthen it and push away all those wild thoughts that might come. I can do it with You. I will receive deliverance from You, with You by my side. So I lay everything to You. My life, my future, my present, my past, my opportunities, my regrets, my disappointments, my sadness, my happiness, my joy, my dreams, my hopes, my relationships, my whole life. Amen. Thank You so much Lord.. I won't know what to do without You.. Thank You for always being there for me, loving me always, helping me always, for encouraging me always. I wanna repay You but Idk how to, and it seems like the best way to do so is just to worship You alone, love You and honour You in everything I do. I love You Lord, and I give You my whole life, and we'll always be together, in eternity :)
My relationship with the people around me has been both good and not so good. Firstly I wanna thank God for giving and BLESSING me with my family, friends and everyone who's always been there :) Everyone is a blessing from God, and people are in your life for a reason.
I'm so thankful for my family and relatives. Mum & Dad aren't strict on me, but of cos the timing I come home matters lah hahah. But they aren't strict on me on stuff like academics etc, which I really am thankful for cos I don't like to be so stressed, and whenever I break down cos of studies (which I did a lot of in sem 1.2 -_-), they are the ones comforting me in the middle of the night, like 1am (like that time biz stats I thought my calculator spoilt but actually it was cos I keyed in the formula wrongly hahah walao). I am the one giving myself a lot of stress alr, to the point I can break down and freak out like nobody's business (which I happen to do a lot of), and imagine if they actually gave me stress too. I don't think I can handle it? Hahah. I wanna thank them for bringing me into this world, with their love and guidance. Step by step they watched me grow into who I am today, and they are the ones who supported me all my life, and slogged so hard outside. That's why I work whenever we have holidays (cos no time on weekends, and projects alr so burden lol) so I can earn my own expenses, and buy my own stuff using my own money. I try to push for sales at work cos I wanna earn more to support myself more. Idw to burden them esp even in their old age now.. I feel sometimes I have been ungrateful towards them, but everytime I see Mum coming back from work with dinner and putting up her feet on the sofa, and then dozing off infront of the TV, and when Dad comes home from work so late at night looking all tired and worn out but still with a smile on his face, I know that I should thank and love them with everything and with all I am, cos they are the blessings that God has placed in my life. And of cos there's the Bro, and for some reason Idk why I always feel more secure just knowing he's at home. That's why when he went NS last time I felt so scared and lost, cos I don't have this safe feeling at home. But he's gonnna ORD soon and weekends he's also at home, so I feel more safe hahahah. And I wanna thank him for being the best Bro in the world, for always encouraging me and telling me what to do when I'm lost, for guiding me on the right path, and ensuring that I grow in the Lord always. I may act like Idc about everything and anything esp towards him lol and sometimes the way I talk to him might be a bit rude (sorry ><), but I really love him so much, and I feel that having such a great brother is really, indeed a blessing from God. He is one of my bestest friends and definitely the closest family member to me, apart from Mum and Dad.
And not every family is so good to have awesome relatives, which I really should be grateful for. For Dad's side, I really thank God with all my heart that they are my family, cos all of them are my second Dads and Mums, and my couz is like a younger brother to me :) We always thoroughly enjoy our times tgt, and know each other inside out, and we all really love our family trips tgt woohoo!! Thanks to all who planned all our trips, really appreciate it. I wanna thank them for being my second Dads and Mums, and for treating us like your own children, I really feel all your love for us :') I wouldn't know what to do in life without you guys either, and there's so much to be grateful for.
I have a big extended family on Mum's side, consisting of 10 grandchildren (including Bro and I) and aunties and uncles!! They too treat us like their own children, and I hope that we will all grow to love each other more and more and come tgt as a family :) I'm sure Ah Ma would've loved it like that :) My cousins are a unique bunch and I love them all!! Hahha esp my dearest Faustina, we've always been tgt since young, and somehow our interests always been the same muahhaha. I look forward to all the gatherings we have as a family and hope we can always maintain that bond ;)
I'm so thankful to have a group of awesome ppl whom I see on a weekly basis and whom I know I can always rely on and trust. I feel strong bonds with these group of people, and they are none other than ZONE B!! Hahaha in good times and in bad times, just their happy presence makes me feel a whole lot better. Every week they never fail to make me laugh and have fun, and also at the same time grow deeper in my relationship with God through their experiences with God in their lives, and also the advises they give me. They're always there to listen, encourage, and pray for each other. I know that I will be growing old together with these group of people, and when we're old and retired we'll be sitting at the porch outside a house playing cards and drinking coffee/tea together. So glad to have these ppl in my life, like my dearest Dayna and Lauren, Sharm, Limay, BK and so many others :) I love and cherish every single one of them, and words just simply cannot express how loved and blessed I am to be in this zone, this church, and the God who brought us tgt :)
My Secondary School mates are another bunch of ppl I'm so thankful to have, and the ones whom I still see around in school and do meetups now and then are namely Eunice, Gillian, Jiemin, JTan and JM :) The F4-4 TP ppl!! They are currently the group of ppl from Sec Sch that I still see and talk to often haha. Love them all so much, and although we have our own unique personalities, everytime we hang out I can still see the old days in us. I can still see the kids who all started from GMPS all the way to GMSS, then to TP. When I look at them, I still see the young versions of us hahahhahahahah!!! Either way, I always look forward to seeing any of them ard in sch and of cos for our meetups :) Somehow we always meetup after exams one Idk why lol. Haha and of cos there's still the rest like Tika, Dana and Yuqing, and Choir peeps like Loren, Felicia, Jordan, Amy, Wenting and of cos dearest Shufang, whom I still see ard in TP too, and TP Chorale while I was still in there. These people bring back all the memories that we've had in GM tgt :) It makes me tear thinking how we all knew each other for such a long time :) For me, Sec Sch friends = Pri Sch friends too, since most of them came from GMPS to GMSS tgt too. I might've known some for more than 10 years alr!! Like.. Wow man. Idk why but GM students just seem to have this unity. Now that I look back at the memories we've all had, esp upper sec days (upper sec days were the best man), I really wish I could go back to those days and relive the moments, with each and every single one of them, even if we're still talking to each other now or not. Speaking of that I think we should have a class gathering soon! And meetup with the F4-4 TP ppl soon too :)
And Poly friends are an impt part of my life now as well :) Really so thankful for my Year 1 clique, DY, YT, QW and L hehe they're the best! I've had so many fun times with them in Year 1, and I can really feel the love and bonds formed with them :') Even through the many projects we had been through tgt for the whole year, all the crappy and late night moments we've had, those formed awesome memories that I've been through all these with you guys, and enjoyed every single bit of it. Though we're not in the same class anymore, we'll cont meeting for lunch dates every now and then!! Hahah Year 1 was really exciting and crazy with them!! And of cos not forgetting J, who always encourages me and builds me up in the Lord, really my awesome bro and bro-in-Christ :) Year 1 was so memorable with these people in it. And of cos, the peeps from TP Chorale, like Gwen and Anthea, Shufang and Ruhui and the rest! My passion has always been singing, esp in Choir. I can definitely say without a doubt that my time in TP Chorale was more memorable than the ones with GM Choir. Maybe it's cos my memories are all fuzzy but I really felt the bond with everyone from TP Chorale, and I think it's cos of all our passions. Like we really join just cos of our passion and love for Chorale, which is really so amazing, cos we all just click naturally. Miss them all so much, and gonna meet them up soon!! I feel bad for quitting but I really can't commit anymore.. I just dw to be in there but not go for practices etc. Well gonna meetup with them soon anyways hehe! And I can't thank God enough for my Year 2 class.. M01.. You guys really rock. I always have such a good laugh during tutorials and I'm grateful that there are so many believers in class :) And also thank God for an awesome project group, and I had lots of fun with them hahah. I can already feel that Year 2 is gonna be a fun year. It's gonna be tough, but with awesome ppl around, it's gonna be better :)
Now for work. Met 2 very awesome ppl, aka Kah Yen and Cong Le!! Muhahah can't say how much I love them for just being in my life! Just seeing them brightens up my day, and they're so lovable hehe. Like what I've said before, and what a lot of ppl say, it's a surprise work friends can be so close :) I really appreciate for all the little things they've done in my life and for making the effort to travel to meetup and stuff :) It's awesome knowing them and I really am so thankful for God to place them in my life.
Last but not least.. my dearest Sarah Chiang. Known this girl since I was born, until today. She's another friend whom I see myself sitting with on a porch playing cards or sitting in a pagoda and admiring the flowers around us. I've known her all my life, and I really thank God that she's always with me, if not, I would've felt so left out. Even as we went our separate ways from Pri Sch, annual meetups and stuff still keep us going, and randon talks on Twitter, Facebook and Whatsapp too :) Love her so much, and I cannot imagine how my childhood would've been without her. We'll go Strictly Pancakes sometime too!! :D Thank God for blessing me with her.
Basically, I've been reflecting on my life and I spent more than 1 hour typing this out oh my lol I don't have so much time what am I doing. Anyways so yeah I realise how awesomely blessed I am, and I should always count my blessings so I'll never be ungrateful :) Thank You for everything :D
And also, I've learnt to finally let go. Thank You :)
Thursday, May 2, 2013
I'd be lying
I'd be lying if I said I haven't forgotten everything. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a limit and that I feel so stretched and messed up inside.
Tell me why this is so hard.. Ignorance is bliss after all. I shouldn't think so much.
Everytime my mind wanders my heart has this unsettled feeling..
For a new door to open, the old one must close.
Forgive and forget, but I definitely won't forget the memories.
Lord I hand it all to You.
Tell me why this is so hard.. Ignorance is bliss after all. I shouldn't think so much.
Everytime my mind wanders my heart has this unsettled feeling..
For a new door to open, the old one must close.
Forgive and forget, but I definitely won't forget the memories.
Lord I hand it all to You.
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