pain

E :
when you say i don't understand you, maybe i really don't.
i don't know the real meaning of loneliness.
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121209

when you look at me, i feel pain. when you look at others, i feel pain.
when you smile at me, i feel pain. when you smile at others, i feel pain.
but i'd rather have you around than lose you. at least i feel loved. but what's the use, you're already gone. i can only say now that i hope that you would somehow appear to me again.

gosh i feel so confused now. when i see you i feel happy. i don't care what others say, i just feel happy. so should i choose happy or pain? i would rather happy but pain keeps coming back to me and i really really don't know!!! i envy others who have someone by their side and they're so happy. why was i so stupid back then? if i wasn't so stupid to know that i would lose you, i would have stopped it. but it's all in the past now. stop dwelling in the past.

but i can't help but still love you. the 200th day is coming soon. who knows, maybe, the 1st year will come. i saw you on the 12th and last saw you on the 21st. the numbers are just opposite of each other. is that a coincidence? probably it is.
and this isn't my last post about you like i said in the previous post. i saw you on 121209. 12 of december. 2009. 1212. maybe if i let you go, it won't be so pain. but i can't.
i hope i can find you soon.
God, you told me to forget him and leave everything to you. help me lord.

i'll try to stop dwelling on the past.
121209
211209

stop dwelling on the past!

today's sermon made me open my eyes not to dwell on the past. but i just can't. why? ):

it's gonna be my last post about YOU.
even though we're in different places, we're still under the same sky, breathing the same air. seriously, i'm gonnna stop thinking about you. i'm gonna focus on other things now. i can't waste every second on you -.-

but somehow when i think like this, i always go back to thinking of you. ah well, i guessed i really must have loved you. i miss your hoodie. i miss your hair, your face, your smile, your laughter. i miss your EVERYTHING. sigh... why can't i just forget the happy times in the snowy lands. and yes, you perobably won't be thinking about me at all. but i am. everyday i am. there isn't one day that i never think of you. i still look at your pics, i do. i miss the snow that we were both in. the places we went. the bus we sat on.

U-kiss! :D

ytd i was screaming at the tv! why? COS U-KISS WAS ON SHENG SHIONG SHOW YTD! WOOTS! but only 5 mins -.- well at least better tahn nothing. they're so hot and sexy and kevin was just so cute! :D

and tmr got SC camp ._.
hope i don't shit there. bye!

jay ): kevin! :D

Nickhun in his thanks section for 1:59PM : Last but not least, our 2pm members... Even though we lost one of the biggest parts of our lives.. Jay.. Wherever you are.. know that we couldn't have gotten this far without you.. we always hope that you are well and healthy.. and we're always missing you... Hoping one day we can all sit down and laugh at what had happened in our lives.. until then, WE WILL make you PROUD.

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hokkaido fair was a big disappointment. when i reached there at 3plus, they showed the sign for bai se lian ren cookies : sold out for the day
after that, i had no mood already.
now i really know how kiasu singaporeans can really be. i'm not a singaporean and i'm not that kiasu lor. i bet all those ahjummas go and camp there at 11am then 12pm the fair start they chiong in buy already -.-
how can they do this to me?! how can i live without my shiori koibito?! without my bai se lian ren D: what is this.
BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG DISAPPOINTMENT.

and who cheered me up? GOD did :D thank god i went for cell ytd haha :D

and my alarm didn't ring today cos i set the time wrongly -.- how stupid can i be.

15 june tuesday was hankyung's court case with SME. seriously i hope hankyung will leave SM/SJ BUT i also hope that he will STAY in SM/SJ. if he leaves, he'll be happier. but if he leaves then SJ won't be 13 anymore. but if he stays, SJ will still be 13 and I will be happy :D but mainly i want kanhyung to be happy.,and until now, no news yet -.-

ME IS IN LOVEEE WITH U-KISS AND KEVIN FROM U-KISS! omg omg :D



haha kevin's just too cute :D



OMG AND I SO LONG NEVER WATCH THIS VID LIAO HAHA! CHARICE ROCKS MAN. haha suju's reaction was epic xD

lone tree

this is a photo taken during my hokkaido trip last year (:
i like this lone tree standing there. all by itself. covered with snow. in a snowy lanscape. (Y) :D

it makes me feel like myself. why? that's for me to know (: (idk wth i'm talking right now and i feel like a retard -.-) all by myself.. covered with snow.
you know, i haven't seen that gaze in a long time... a very long time. how long has it been already? like 6 months? gosh imy ):

okay idk what i'm talking now. looks like i've gone crazy again -.-

anyways i dicthed hist essay for tmr :P my mind just isn't working aye

BAI SE LIAN REN IS BACKKKKK! HOKKAIDO FAIRRRR!! ME TOTALLY SCREAMED WHEN I FOUND OUT
GAHHHHHHH I'M GONNA BUY LOTS OF BOXES if they still have stock -.-


haha and i realised i also missed jaebeom alot.. OK TAECYEON!!!!! <3 <3 haahahah randomness -.-

and i found a lagaan song vid :D

WOOTS I JUST WATCHED FINISH IRIS TODAY! FREAKING NICE YO :D

TOP so freaking cool there! and kim taehee pretty as always ^^ kim taehee rocks! and the scenes that they filmed in japan was really nice :D

hoho

today is like the best day of my life! my bro actually wanted to watch IRIS! it's not just any other show ppl, it's IRIS!!! KIM TAEHEE! LEE BYUNG HUN! TOP!! :DDD haha so i'm gonna watch it with him :D

OH MY GAWD. SUJU IS COMING SINGAPORE TMR! AND SIWON IS COMING! BUT IN RETURN, KYUHYUN ISN'T -.- GOING AIRPORT TMR TO TRY LUCK :P WISH ME LUCK!! :DD

and to eunice, i'm replying what you said on your blog.
hmm do you know that i don't want to lose you either? and yes, you ARE my best friend since like how many donkey years ago. of course i regard of you as my best friend. i can sense you felt lonely, i tried to include you in our convos, but mostly it was about kpop so... :X and i diss justin bieber and you diss kpop but so what? we can still get along right? see me and my bro. he disses kpop so much but we still get along so well. if i did anything wrong, then i'm sorry ):