Letting go isn't as easy as I thought it would be. Making a lot of progress though. Thank God :)
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Reflections
Sudden reflection on my life as it is right now..
Yeah I should be chioning Japanese project given that both submission AND presentation's next Thurs oh my. But yeah lah can squeeze out some time lah. Just had an urge to blog.
My relationship with You has been good so far I guess. You've done everything already, and I thank You so much for it. For just being God, for just being in my life and showering Your love on me anytime and anywhere. Lord thank You so much. Now, it's my turn. It takes two hands to clap, I must be willing to love too. Love is not an emotion, it's a choice/decision. You've taught me so many things through everyday life, friends, Your Word, and Boy Meets Girl. Boy Meets Girl is prolly one of the best books I ever read. I can finally understand why relationships are to be taken seriously, and what we should and shouldn't do in relationships/courtships. Why everything is to be saved for the day of marriage. Everything we do should honour You, and if we really love the other person, we must honour him/her and make sure they do not get hurt because of our reckless actions. It's good preparation for the future :) I just haven't met him yet I think. But ahh studies first at this stage. Idw to think of anything that will distract me from studies, scoring a good gpa, getting into SMU and do God, parents, relatives and friends proud. Nothing is impossible. Help me have the discipline to do my work conscientiously and never give up or go and sleep when the going gets tough. Strengthen my relationship with You and faith in You as well Lord. Let me never have those wild thoughts at night ever again. Control my mind Lord. Strengthen it and push away all those wild thoughts that might come. I can do it with You. I will receive deliverance from You, with You by my side. So I lay everything to You. My life, my future, my present, my past, my opportunities, my regrets, my disappointments, my sadness, my happiness, my joy, my dreams, my hopes, my relationships, my whole life. Amen. Thank You so much Lord.. I won't know what to do without You.. Thank You for always being there for me, loving me always, helping me always, for encouraging me always. I wanna repay You but Idk how to, and it seems like the best way to do so is just to worship You alone, love You and honour You in everything I do. I love You Lord, and I give You my whole life, and we'll always be together, in eternity :)
My relationship with the people around me has been both good and not so good. Firstly I wanna thank God for giving and BLESSING me with my family, friends and everyone who's always been there :) Everyone is a blessing from God, and people are in your life for a reason.
I'm so thankful for my family and relatives. Mum & Dad aren't strict on me, but of cos the timing I come home matters lah hahah. But they aren't strict on me on stuff like academics etc, which I really am thankful for cos I don't like to be so stressed, and whenever I break down cos of studies (which I did a lot of in sem 1.2 -_-), they are the ones comforting me in the middle of the night, like 1am (like that time biz stats I thought my calculator spoilt but actually it was cos I keyed in the formula wrongly hahah walao). I am the one giving myself a lot of stress alr, to the point I can break down and freak out like nobody's business (which I happen to do a lot of), and imagine if they actually gave me stress too. I don't think I can handle it? Hahah. I wanna thank them for bringing me into this world, with their love and guidance. Step by step they watched me grow into who I am today, and they are the ones who supported me all my life, and slogged so hard outside. That's why I work whenever we have holidays (cos no time on weekends, and projects alr so burden lol) so I can earn my own expenses, and buy my own stuff using my own money. I try to push for sales at work cos I wanna earn more to support myself more. Idw to burden them esp even in their old age now.. I feel sometimes I have been ungrateful towards them, but everytime I see Mum coming back from work with dinner and putting up her feet on the sofa, and then dozing off infront of the TV, and when Dad comes home from work so late at night looking all tired and worn out but still with a smile on his face, I know that I should thank and love them with everything and with all I am, cos they are the blessings that God has placed in my life. And of cos there's the Bro, and for some reason Idk why I always feel more secure just knowing he's at home. That's why when he went NS last time I felt so scared and lost, cos I don't have this safe feeling at home. But he's gonnna ORD soon and weekends he's also at home, so I feel more safe hahahah. And I wanna thank him for being the best Bro in the world, for always encouraging me and telling me what to do when I'm lost, for guiding me on the right path, and ensuring that I grow in the Lord always. I may act like Idc about everything and anything esp towards him lol and sometimes the way I talk to him might be a bit rude (sorry ><), but I really love him so much, and I feel that having such a great brother is really, indeed a blessing from God. He is one of my bestest friends and definitely the closest family member to me, apart from Mum and Dad.
And not every family is so good to have awesome relatives, which I really should be grateful for. For Dad's side, I really thank God with all my heart that they are my family, cos all of them are my second Dads and Mums, and my couz is like a younger brother to me :) We always thoroughly enjoy our times tgt, and know each other inside out, and we all really love our family trips tgt woohoo!! Thanks to all who planned all our trips, really appreciate it. I wanna thank them for being my second Dads and Mums, and for treating us like your own children, I really feel all your love for us :') I wouldn't know what to do in life without you guys either, and there's so much to be grateful for.
I have a big extended family on Mum's side, consisting of 10 grandchildren (including Bro and I) and aunties and uncles!! They too treat us like their own children, and I hope that we will all grow to love each other more and more and come tgt as a family :) I'm sure Ah Ma would've loved it like that :) My cousins are a unique bunch and I love them all!! Hahha esp my dearest Faustina, we've always been tgt since young, and somehow our interests always been the same muahhaha. I look forward to all the gatherings we have as a family and hope we can always maintain that bond ;)
I'm so thankful to have a group of awesome ppl whom I see on a weekly basis and whom I know I can always rely on and trust. I feel strong bonds with these group of people, and they are none other than ZONE B!! Hahaha in good times and in bad times, just their happy presence makes me feel a whole lot better. Every week they never fail to make me laugh and have fun, and also at the same time grow deeper in my relationship with God through their experiences with God in their lives, and also the advises they give me. They're always there to listen, encourage, and pray for each other. I know that I will be growing old together with these group of people, and when we're old and retired we'll be sitting at the porch outside a house playing cards and drinking coffee/tea together. So glad to have these ppl in my life, like my dearest Dayna and Lauren, Sharm, Limay, BK and so many others :) I love and cherish every single one of them, and words just simply cannot express how loved and blessed I am to be in this zone, this church, and the God who brought us tgt :)
My Secondary School mates are another bunch of ppl I'm so thankful to have, and the ones whom I still see around in school and do meetups now and then are namely Eunice, Gillian, Jiemin, JTan and JM :) The F4-4 TP ppl!! They are currently the group of ppl from Sec Sch that I still see and talk to often haha. Love them all so much, and although we have our own unique personalities, everytime we hang out I can still see the old days in us. I can still see the kids who all started from GMPS all the way to GMSS, then to TP. When I look at them, I still see the young versions of us hahahhahahahah!!! Either way, I always look forward to seeing any of them ard in sch and of cos for our meetups :) Somehow we always meetup after exams one Idk why lol. Haha and of cos there's still the rest like Tika, Dana and Yuqing, and Choir peeps like Loren, Felicia, Jordan, Amy, Wenting and of cos dearest Shufang, whom I still see ard in TP too, and TP Chorale while I was still in there. These people bring back all the memories that we've had in GM tgt :) It makes me tear thinking how we all knew each other for such a long time :) For me, Sec Sch friends = Pri Sch friends too, since most of them came from GMPS to GMSS tgt too. I might've known some for more than 10 years alr!! Like.. Wow man. Idk why but GM students just seem to have this unity. Now that I look back at the memories we've all had, esp upper sec days (upper sec days were the best man), I really wish I could go back to those days and relive the moments, with each and every single one of them, even if we're still talking to each other now or not. Speaking of that I think we should have a class gathering soon! And meetup with the F4-4 TP ppl soon too :)
And Poly friends are an impt part of my life now as well :) Really so thankful for my Year 1 clique, DY, YT, QW and L hehe they're the best! I've had so many fun times with them in Year 1, and I can really feel the love and bonds formed with them :') Even through the many projects we had been through tgt for the whole year, all the crappy and late night moments we've had, those formed awesome memories that I've been through all these with you guys, and enjoyed every single bit of it. Though we're not in the same class anymore, we'll cont meeting for lunch dates every now and then!! Hahah Year 1 was really exciting and crazy with them!! And of cos not forgetting J, who always encourages me and builds me up in the Lord, really my awesome bro and bro-in-Christ :) Year 1 was so memorable with these people in it. And of cos, the peeps from TP Chorale, like Gwen and Anthea, Shufang and Ruhui and the rest! My passion has always been singing, esp in Choir. I can definitely say without a doubt that my time in TP Chorale was more memorable than the ones with GM Choir. Maybe it's cos my memories are all fuzzy but I really felt the bond with everyone from TP Chorale, and I think it's cos of all our passions. Like we really join just cos of our passion and love for Chorale, which is really so amazing, cos we all just click naturally. Miss them all so much, and gonna meet them up soon!! I feel bad for quitting but I really can't commit anymore.. I just dw to be in there but not go for practices etc. Well gonna meetup with them soon anyways hehe! And I can't thank God enough for my Year 2 class.. M01.. You guys really rock. I always have such a good laugh during tutorials and I'm grateful that there are so many believers in class :) And also thank God for an awesome project group, and I had lots of fun with them hahah. I can already feel that Year 2 is gonna be a fun year. It's gonna be tough, but with awesome ppl around, it's gonna be better :)
Now for work. Met 2 very awesome ppl, aka Kah Yen and Cong Le!! Muhahah can't say how much I love them for just being in my life! Just seeing them brightens up my day, and they're so lovable hehe. Like what I've said before, and what a lot of ppl say, it's a surprise work friends can be so close :) I really appreciate for all the little things they've done in my life and for making the effort to travel to meetup and stuff :) It's awesome knowing them and I really am so thankful for God to place them in my life.
Last but not least.. my dearest Sarah Chiang. Known this girl since I was born, until today. She's another friend whom I see myself sitting with on a porch playing cards or sitting in a pagoda and admiring the flowers around us. I've known her all my life, and I really thank God that she's always with me, if not, I would've felt so left out. Even as we went our separate ways from Pri Sch, annual meetups and stuff still keep us going, and randon talks on Twitter, Facebook and Whatsapp too :) Love her so much, and I cannot imagine how my childhood would've been without her. We'll go Strictly Pancakes sometime too!! :D Thank God for blessing me with her.
Basically, I've been reflecting on my life and I spent more than 1 hour typing this out oh my lol I don't have so much time what am I doing. Anyways so yeah I realise how awesomely blessed I am, and I should always count my blessings so I'll never be ungrateful :) Thank You for everything :D
And also, I've learnt to finally let go. Thank You :)
Yeah I should be chioning Japanese project given that both submission AND presentation's next Thurs oh my. But yeah lah can squeeze out some time lah. Just had an urge to blog.
My relationship with You has been good so far I guess. You've done everything already, and I thank You so much for it. For just being God, for just being in my life and showering Your love on me anytime and anywhere. Lord thank You so much. Now, it's my turn. It takes two hands to clap, I must be willing to love too. Love is not an emotion, it's a choice/decision. You've taught me so many things through everyday life, friends, Your Word, and Boy Meets Girl. Boy Meets Girl is prolly one of the best books I ever read. I can finally understand why relationships are to be taken seriously, and what we should and shouldn't do in relationships/courtships. Why everything is to be saved for the day of marriage. Everything we do should honour You, and if we really love the other person, we must honour him/her and make sure they do not get hurt because of our reckless actions. It's good preparation for the future :) I just haven't met him yet I think. But ahh studies first at this stage. Idw to think of anything that will distract me from studies, scoring a good gpa, getting into SMU and do God, parents, relatives and friends proud. Nothing is impossible. Help me have the discipline to do my work conscientiously and never give up or go and sleep when the going gets tough. Strengthen my relationship with You and faith in You as well Lord. Let me never have those wild thoughts at night ever again. Control my mind Lord. Strengthen it and push away all those wild thoughts that might come. I can do it with You. I will receive deliverance from You, with You by my side. So I lay everything to You. My life, my future, my present, my past, my opportunities, my regrets, my disappointments, my sadness, my happiness, my joy, my dreams, my hopes, my relationships, my whole life. Amen. Thank You so much Lord.. I won't know what to do without You.. Thank You for always being there for me, loving me always, helping me always, for encouraging me always. I wanna repay You but Idk how to, and it seems like the best way to do so is just to worship You alone, love You and honour You in everything I do. I love You Lord, and I give You my whole life, and we'll always be together, in eternity :)
My relationship with the people around me has been both good and not so good. Firstly I wanna thank God for giving and BLESSING me with my family, friends and everyone who's always been there :) Everyone is a blessing from God, and people are in your life for a reason.
I'm so thankful for my family and relatives. Mum & Dad aren't strict on me, but of cos the timing I come home matters lah hahah. But they aren't strict on me on stuff like academics etc, which I really am thankful for cos I don't like to be so stressed, and whenever I break down cos of studies (which I did a lot of in sem 1.2 -_-), they are the ones comforting me in the middle of the night, like 1am (like that time biz stats I thought my calculator spoilt but actually it was cos I keyed in the formula wrongly hahah walao). I am the one giving myself a lot of stress alr, to the point I can break down and freak out like nobody's business (which I happen to do a lot of), and imagine if they actually gave me stress too. I don't think I can handle it? Hahah. I wanna thank them for bringing me into this world, with their love and guidance. Step by step they watched me grow into who I am today, and they are the ones who supported me all my life, and slogged so hard outside. That's why I work whenever we have holidays (cos no time on weekends, and projects alr so burden lol) so I can earn my own expenses, and buy my own stuff using my own money. I try to push for sales at work cos I wanna earn more to support myself more. Idw to burden them esp even in their old age now.. I feel sometimes I have been ungrateful towards them, but everytime I see Mum coming back from work with dinner and putting up her feet on the sofa, and then dozing off infront of the TV, and when Dad comes home from work so late at night looking all tired and worn out but still with a smile on his face, I know that I should thank and love them with everything and with all I am, cos they are the blessings that God has placed in my life. And of cos there's the Bro, and for some reason Idk why I always feel more secure just knowing he's at home. That's why when he went NS last time I felt so scared and lost, cos I don't have this safe feeling at home. But he's gonnna ORD soon and weekends he's also at home, so I feel more safe hahahah. And I wanna thank him for being the best Bro in the world, for always encouraging me and telling me what to do when I'm lost, for guiding me on the right path, and ensuring that I grow in the Lord always. I may act like Idc about everything and anything esp towards him lol and sometimes the way I talk to him might be a bit rude (sorry ><), but I really love him so much, and I feel that having such a great brother is really, indeed a blessing from God. He is one of my bestest friends and definitely the closest family member to me, apart from Mum and Dad.
And not every family is so good to have awesome relatives, which I really should be grateful for. For Dad's side, I really thank God with all my heart that they are my family, cos all of them are my second Dads and Mums, and my couz is like a younger brother to me :) We always thoroughly enjoy our times tgt, and know each other inside out, and we all really love our family trips tgt woohoo!! Thanks to all who planned all our trips, really appreciate it. I wanna thank them for being my second Dads and Mums, and for treating us like your own children, I really feel all your love for us :') I wouldn't know what to do in life without you guys either, and there's so much to be grateful for.
I have a big extended family on Mum's side, consisting of 10 grandchildren (including Bro and I) and aunties and uncles!! They too treat us like their own children, and I hope that we will all grow to love each other more and more and come tgt as a family :) I'm sure Ah Ma would've loved it like that :) My cousins are a unique bunch and I love them all!! Hahha esp my dearest Faustina, we've always been tgt since young, and somehow our interests always been the same muahhaha. I look forward to all the gatherings we have as a family and hope we can always maintain that bond ;)
I'm so thankful to have a group of awesome ppl whom I see on a weekly basis and whom I know I can always rely on and trust. I feel strong bonds with these group of people, and they are none other than ZONE B!! Hahaha in good times and in bad times, just their happy presence makes me feel a whole lot better. Every week they never fail to make me laugh and have fun, and also at the same time grow deeper in my relationship with God through their experiences with God in their lives, and also the advises they give me. They're always there to listen, encourage, and pray for each other. I know that I will be growing old together with these group of people, and when we're old and retired we'll be sitting at the porch outside a house playing cards and drinking coffee/tea together. So glad to have these ppl in my life, like my dearest Dayna and Lauren, Sharm, Limay, BK and so many others :) I love and cherish every single one of them, and words just simply cannot express how loved and blessed I am to be in this zone, this church, and the God who brought us tgt :)
My Secondary School mates are another bunch of ppl I'm so thankful to have, and the ones whom I still see around in school and do meetups now and then are namely Eunice, Gillian, Jiemin, JTan and JM :) The F4-4 TP ppl!! They are currently the group of ppl from Sec Sch that I still see and talk to often haha. Love them all so much, and although we have our own unique personalities, everytime we hang out I can still see the old days in us. I can still see the kids who all started from GMPS all the way to GMSS, then to TP. When I look at them, I still see the young versions of us hahahhahahahah!!! Either way, I always look forward to seeing any of them ard in sch and of cos for our meetups :) Somehow we always meetup after exams one Idk why lol. Haha and of cos there's still the rest like Tika, Dana and Yuqing, and Choir peeps like Loren, Felicia, Jordan, Amy, Wenting and of cos dearest Shufang, whom I still see ard in TP too, and TP Chorale while I was still in there. These people bring back all the memories that we've had in GM tgt :) It makes me tear thinking how we all knew each other for such a long time :) For me, Sec Sch friends = Pri Sch friends too, since most of them came from GMPS to GMSS tgt too. I might've known some for more than 10 years alr!! Like.. Wow man. Idk why but GM students just seem to have this unity. Now that I look back at the memories we've all had, esp upper sec days (upper sec days were the best man), I really wish I could go back to those days and relive the moments, with each and every single one of them, even if we're still talking to each other now or not. Speaking of that I think we should have a class gathering soon! And meetup with the F4-4 TP ppl soon too :)
And Poly friends are an impt part of my life now as well :) Really so thankful for my Year 1 clique, DY, YT, QW and L hehe they're the best! I've had so many fun times with them in Year 1, and I can really feel the love and bonds formed with them :') Even through the many projects we had been through tgt for the whole year, all the crappy and late night moments we've had, those formed awesome memories that I've been through all these with you guys, and enjoyed every single bit of it. Though we're not in the same class anymore, we'll cont meeting for lunch dates every now and then!! Hahah Year 1 was really exciting and crazy with them!! And of cos not forgetting J, who always encourages me and builds me up in the Lord, really my awesome bro and bro-in-Christ :) Year 1 was so memorable with these people in it. And of cos, the peeps from TP Chorale, like Gwen and Anthea, Shufang and Ruhui and the rest! My passion has always been singing, esp in Choir. I can definitely say without a doubt that my time in TP Chorale was more memorable than the ones with GM Choir. Maybe it's cos my memories are all fuzzy but I really felt the bond with everyone from TP Chorale, and I think it's cos of all our passions. Like we really join just cos of our passion and love for Chorale, which is really so amazing, cos we all just click naturally. Miss them all so much, and gonna meet them up soon!! I feel bad for quitting but I really can't commit anymore.. I just dw to be in there but not go for practices etc. Well gonna meetup with them soon anyways hehe! And I can't thank God enough for my Year 2 class.. M01.. You guys really rock. I always have such a good laugh during tutorials and I'm grateful that there are so many believers in class :) And also thank God for an awesome project group, and I had lots of fun with them hahah. I can already feel that Year 2 is gonna be a fun year. It's gonna be tough, but with awesome ppl around, it's gonna be better :)
Now for work. Met 2 very awesome ppl, aka Kah Yen and Cong Le!! Muhahah can't say how much I love them for just being in my life! Just seeing them brightens up my day, and they're so lovable hehe. Like what I've said before, and what a lot of ppl say, it's a surprise work friends can be so close :) I really appreciate for all the little things they've done in my life and for making the effort to travel to meetup and stuff :) It's awesome knowing them and I really am so thankful for God to place them in my life.
Last but not least.. my dearest Sarah Chiang. Known this girl since I was born, until today. She's another friend whom I see myself sitting with on a porch playing cards or sitting in a pagoda and admiring the flowers around us. I've known her all my life, and I really thank God that she's always with me, if not, I would've felt so left out. Even as we went our separate ways from Pri Sch, annual meetups and stuff still keep us going, and randon talks on Twitter, Facebook and Whatsapp too :) Love her so much, and I cannot imagine how my childhood would've been without her. We'll go Strictly Pancakes sometime too!! :D Thank God for blessing me with her.
Basically, I've been reflecting on my life and I spent more than 1 hour typing this out oh my lol I don't have so much time what am I doing. Anyways so yeah I realise how awesomely blessed I am, and I should always count my blessings so I'll never be ungrateful :) Thank You for everything :D
And also, I've learnt to finally let go. Thank You :)
Thursday, May 2, 2013
I'd be lying
I'd be lying if I said I haven't forgotten everything. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a limit and that I feel so stretched and messed up inside.
Tell me why this is so hard.. Ignorance is bliss after all. I shouldn't think so much.
Everytime my mind wanders my heart has this unsettled feeling..
For a new door to open, the old one must close.
Forgive and forget, but I definitely won't forget the memories.
Lord I hand it all to You.
Tell me why this is so hard.. Ignorance is bliss after all. I shouldn't think so much.
Everytime my mind wanders my heart has this unsettled feeling..
For a new door to open, the old one must close.
Forgive and forget, but I definitely won't forget the memories.
Lord I hand it all to You.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
What's wrong with me?
To think someone asked me if I had depression before :/
Oh goodness what’s wrong with me?
How can I be like this?
I think I’ll just disappear from ppl’s lives, so their lives will be better. Somehow I just feel I’m making it worse just by being there.
I know that I’m here to impact people, but if I’m gonna impact ppl negatively, then I’d rather not.
What's wrong with me? I've not been very me lately. I've come to the point where I can just sit and stone and just rethink everything and relive the past year in my head, and where if anyone asks me if I'm alright I will just start tearing. I think the past has gotten to me too much, and Idk what to feel nowadays.
Maybe I'm too tired and worn out from this holidays (ironic right Idk why almost everyday I feel tired).
I've came to the point where I'm not caring, not bothering about anything and everything under the sun.
What's wrong with me?
Reveal to me, Lord, and make me a better person. To not always be such a failure etc etc.. Reveal to me what needs to be fixed and mould me to be a greater person, living for You. Help me to get out of all these feelings so I don't hurt others around me.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
This is our God
There's just so much on my mind now.. So many things I'm worried about that I feel like I can break down any moment. It's this unsettled thing and feeling in my heart, where I can't help but get so worried.
But I know our God is so much greater than all the problems, so I'm telling those problems that our God is greater and so much bigger than them!
Also, Matthew 6:34 says "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
I won't worry about tomorrow, I'm trusting in what You say! :)
God knows our situations, God also knows the solutions to them.
Lord, I'm really worried. But I know that You are in control of everything, and that I won't have to worry about tomorrow. Everything's gonna be alright cos You're holding the whole world in Your hands. Help us through everything Lord, and make it okay. I really thank You so much cos even as I declared (or rather, typed) this, I already feel that familiar feeling of a burden being taken from my heart, and I'm still feeling this. Thank You so much Lord. I know that whenever I see only a pair of footprints in the sand, I'll know that's when You are carrying me, wrapping a blanket around me, comforting me and telling me that everything's gonna be alright. Thank You so much :)
I'm really trusting in what You say. Trusting, having faith, loving, going out all the way to declare that I am free and there's a Saviour who loves the world so much. Yes, He loves you and I, and everyone else around. No matter what you've done in your life, He loves you just for who you are, and that's really the most amazing thing ever. No words can describe this feeling that He gives. It's having His protection, security, safety, peace, love, kindness, gentleness, patience, wisdom, strength, courage, and just having Him. You can run to Him anytime, cos He always has open arms for you to run into. He'll make you feel so much better than a cup of hot chocolate can.
This is our God.
Awesome, amazing, faithful, loving, strong, healer, giver, comforting, almighty, alpha and omega, redeemer.
This really is our God.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Our God is Greater
Let go and let God.
The seed I received I will sow.
No weapon formed against me shall remain.
I'm telling and declaring right now, that my God is so much greater and bigger than all my problems. My God is so much more awesomer than the stupid problems and irritating problems. My God is the one true God, who will lift me up upon His shoulders, love me for who I am, and carry me through life. This is our God that I love, that I worship. This is my God, who has such great love that He sent His one and only son to die on the cross for the whole world. Because of Jesus, we are free, no longer bound to sin.
So I declare, for the rest of my life, forevermore, for eternity, that my problems CANNOT and NEVER WILL triumph over me for my GOD is GREATER, STRONGER and HIGHER than any other.
HE was, and is, and is to come. HE is, our SAVIOUR.
Friday, March 22, 2013
I need You
Idk abt anything anymore.
I need Your guidance Lord. Help me to rely on You more and more each day, and not lesser and lesser each day. Help me Lord, I need more of You. Just You and You alone will make me whole. It has, have and will make me whole. I won't feel like I'm going around aimlessly without You Lord. More of You is all I need. I just need You, no one else, to wrap a blanket around me, comfort me and tell me You're gonna be with me through it all. Thank You so much for all the mercy, grace and wonder You've given us Lord. Give us Your peace, love and strength Lord. Holy, holy holy, is the Lord God almighty, who was and is and is to come. Awesome Lord, sovereign Lord, You reign and You reign forevermore. Help us Lord. Thank You so much. Forgive us our sins Lord, and help us not to repeat them. Thank You so much for Your unfailing love and just being God. Really thank You so so much for placing the peace in my heart now. Oh, You never fail to make me smile :) Thank You so much Lord, for making everything alright :)
I look to You, no one else. My rock, my salvation, my author, my deliverer, my shelter, my strong tower, my very present help in times of need. Not only in times of need but in times of joy, I'm never gonna stop praising You and just simply praising and worshipping You for who You are, cos You alone are God eternal, throughout earth and Heaven above. Thank You so much for everything Lord, help me to rely more and more on You and spend time with You Lord. I wanna know You more, so much more and know Your heart Lord. Thank You, for everything. In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen. :)
This verse spoke to me greatly :
When we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we won't be condemned with the world - 1 Corinthians 11:32
I need Your guidance Lord. Help me to rely on You more and more each day, and not lesser and lesser each day. Help me Lord, I need more of You. Just You and You alone will make me whole. It has, have and will make me whole. I won't feel like I'm going around aimlessly without You Lord. More of You is all I need. I just need You, no one else, to wrap a blanket around me, comfort me and tell me You're gonna be with me through it all. Thank You so much for all the mercy, grace and wonder You've given us Lord. Give us Your peace, love and strength Lord. Holy, holy holy, is the Lord God almighty, who was and is and is to come. Awesome Lord, sovereign Lord, You reign and You reign forevermore. Help us Lord. Thank You so much. Forgive us our sins Lord, and help us not to repeat them. Thank You so much for Your unfailing love and just being God. Really thank You so so much for placing the peace in my heart now. Oh, You never fail to make me smile :) Thank You so much Lord, for making everything alright :)
I look to You, no one else. My rock, my salvation, my author, my deliverer, my shelter, my strong tower, my very present help in times of need. Not only in times of need but in times of joy, I'm never gonna stop praising You and just simply praising and worshipping You for who You are, cos You alone are God eternal, throughout earth and Heaven above. Thank You so much for everything Lord, help me to rely more and more on You and spend time with You Lord. I wanna know You more, so much more and know Your heart Lord. Thank You, for everything. In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen. :)
This verse spoke to me greatly :
When we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we won't be condemned with the world - 1 Corinthians 11:32
Monday, March 4, 2013
Year 1
Year 1 can be summarised as just one word : fulfilling
Year 1 was fulfilling, fun, thrilling, crazy and enjoyable. It was an experience and a part of my life I will remember for life I think. This was the year I met so many awesome people, and changed my impression of Poly having lots of superficial people who just make use of you for grades and projects. Wanna thank my Year 1 clique for being so ever patient with me lololol and that's where I got the nickname "toilet queen". Yu Ting, Qian Wei, Duo Yun and Laurencia, you guys rock!! Will never forget our Mensa/Cai Fan/Ji Fan/ Toastbox/Mac/Subway/Bistro days :) And the zombie (nicknamed by DY) Joshua!! Haha thanks for being such a great bro to me, it's great to see both of us growing in the Lord and I am really glad we could be in the same proj grp for sem 1.1 :) If you all see this wanna say that all of you are awesome :)
And not forgetting my TPC babies hahah. My time in TP Chorale was one of the best moments ever.. Think it could prolly be my best moments in TP/Poly life so far. With Darius' awesome conducting and training us in music to sectionals to dancing and just fooling around hahahah. Shoutout to Gwendoline, Sinnie, Sharleen, Anthea, Chloe, Priscina, Patricia, Sophia, Eileen, Qing Yee, Angela, Zachary, Paula, Rachel, Yvonne, Shufang, Ru Hui, Dian, Khoo Hoe, Leona and many many more, whether you guys are juniors or seniors!! Really wanna thank you guys for being such great pals to be with and I still feel the bond w you all and w Choir even tho I've quit alr. Really thank God for the great times in Choir, tho they were mad, tiring and just plain crazy sometimes hahahah!!
Year 1 was great, despite the bad grades and stuff. That was where I learnt and really matured a lot from Sec Sch. Thank God for an awesome Year 1 and hopefully I don't have to take any supp papers!!
Year 1 was fulfilling, fun, thrilling, crazy and enjoyable. It was an experience and a part of my life I will remember for life I think. This was the year I met so many awesome people, and changed my impression of Poly having lots of superficial people who just make use of you for grades and projects. Wanna thank my Year 1 clique for being so ever patient with me lololol and that's where I got the nickname "toilet queen". Yu Ting, Qian Wei, Duo Yun and Laurencia, you guys rock!! Will never forget our Mensa/Cai Fan/Ji Fan/ Toastbox/Mac/Subway/Bistro days :) And the zombie (nicknamed by DY) Joshua!! Haha thanks for being such a great bro to me, it's great to see both of us growing in the Lord and I am really glad we could be in the same proj grp for sem 1.1 :) If you all see this wanna say that all of you are awesome :)
And not forgetting my TPC babies hahah. My time in TP Chorale was one of the best moments ever.. Think it could prolly be my best moments in TP/Poly life so far. With Darius' awesome conducting and training us in music to sectionals to dancing and just fooling around hahahah. Shoutout to Gwendoline, Sinnie, Sharleen, Anthea, Chloe, Priscina, Patricia, Sophia, Eileen, Qing Yee, Angela, Zachary, Paula, Rachel, Yvonne, Shufang, Ru Hui, Dian, Khoo Hoe, Leona and many many more, whether you guys are juniors or seniors!! Really wanna thank you guys for being such great pals to be with and I still feel the bond w you all and w Choir even tho I've quit alr. Really thank God for the great times in Choir, tho they were mad, tiring and just plain crazy sometimes hahahah!!
Year 1 was great, despite the bad grades and stuff. That was where I learnt and really matured a lot from Sec Sch. Thank God for an awesome Year 1 and hopefully I don't have to take any supp papers!!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
I'm sorry
After today.. I really felt I was being so bad and harsh. I'm so sorry for everything.. For the unforgiveness, the grudge and I feel this guilt etched so deep in my heart that if I don't apologise or start treating you better, I will die of guilt. I'm so sorry, why did I do that today? If you were hurt by my actions I'm really sorry. It's just.. I can't let go of the past. If you put yourself in my shoes you'd be angry too... right? I realised it's because of that unwillingness to let it go that unforgiveness came into my life and made me unable to forgive you. But hey I'm not perfect either, I must accept the fact that everyone makes mistakes. So if I've hurt you with my actions today, I'm terribly sorry Y. And whether you see this or not, I wanna let you know that deep down you've still got a friend in me, like what I wrote in the Christmas card (that is, if you still remember). I focused on all the bad stuff that happened and didn't think about the good stuff. Times we've spent tgt definitely was great and fun, and Idk abt you, but like what I said earlier, you've always got a friend in me. I'm just pissed and my action today was "in the moment" kinda thing. I'm so sorry, and pls don't get offended. I really do hope you'll understand. It's just that these few months, the whole thing's been weighing down on my pretty much and every night I feel this burden in my heart and I just feel like crying everytime I think about it you know? But what's done is done. It's all in the past. I must let go of it and bear no grudges. I'm sorry for everything I've done. You're one of the nicest people I know, and I hope you don't make the same mistake again. Choose wisely and carefully, and always think again before doing smth. I will treat you nicer from now on, and once again, I'm terribly sorry if my pissy actions made you feel bad. Don't blame yourself for whatever happened yeah? And I honestly do hope you can find someone you'll appreciate you for you.
Once again, I'm sorry.
Once again, I'm sorry.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Cluttered
Recently my mind has been cluttered with so many things. Submissions and presentations are a pain, not to mention French speaking test is on Friday and I still can blog even though I have yet to do my Marketing proj lol.
But either way, just thought I should write a letter to my Heavenly Father here.
Writing and just simply talking to You has always been such a joy, and I enjoy every single minute of it because I know I am pouring my heart out to a one true Lord who truly understands and loves me.
I'm hurt and Idk what else to do but just follow You. I know everything happens for a reason and I don't have to worry cos You are in control of everything. Amen to that, really. But Idk why I just feel so hurt now. I feel like I was being used and played around with, and I felt my feelings were being treated loosely like it was nothing. Somehow, somewhere in my heart I feel it's not this way, but actions speaks louder than words and now looking at the situation, I really dk what to feel and what to do. But all I know is that I'm gonna heed advises, and really just follow You. I'm gonna give up alr, I don't think I wanna hold on any longer. I know that You have Your ways of making things turn out the way they are supposed to be, and I really can't tell what will happen, but You know. So for now I'm just gonna give up for real, hold on to it no longer, and let You lead me. Whether or not it happens, years down the road or not, I'm handing it all to You. I'm not gonna bother about it anymore. Even though I always tend to overthink and actually imagine a future and not want to let go, I pray that You pls help me turn away from this. I can't do it without You, it's too painful. Lord let not mine but Your will be done. I will go where You lead me, my Shepard. Take me to my destiny.
No regrets, just lessons learnt.
Forgive me of all my sins Lord. Make me a whole new better person and love people more. Love God, Grow People shall be my life.
Over the past few days, esp Fri and Sat, I really learnt a lot of things. Really thank God for such great leaders He placed in my life. Lord, now I truly understand why I have to go through these and why I chose to. Even though I really miss singing in Choir, and I really miss my Choirmates there, even my conductor lol. I miss going to the Alumni Lounge every Mondays and Tuesdays from 6.30-9.30pm, and I miss having dinner with awesome Choirmates too. I miss the feeling of going there to sing my heart out, and even though it's tough and tiring, somehow I feel rejuvenated for the next day and I feel like there's a hope I can cling on to and run to whenever I'm down, tired or just simply feel like singing. It has been such an integral part of my life (or rather, my whole life). Singing has always been such a joy to me. But now I realised sacrifices has to be made. Discipline and self-control comes in, and all these will work out for Yours and my good. Let Your will be done, Lord. Not mine but Yours be done. I believe Your plan is always the best for me. I must do my parents proud, I can't afford to disappoint any longer. Most importantly, I must do You proud. I want to be a living testimony for You. I'll always miss singing with them, and I feel like a part of my life is gone, but I guess this is part and parcel of life.
I immediately feel a lot better after submitting and opening my heart to You. Thank You, and I love You :')
Psalm 23:2 (NIV)
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress. - Isaiah 33:2
But either way, just thought I should write a letter to my Heavenly Father here.
Writing and just simply talking to You has always been such a joy, and I enjoy every single minute of it because I know I am pouring my heart out to a one true Lord who truly understands and loves me.
I'm hurt and Idk what else to do but just follow You. I know everything happens for a reason and I don't have to worry cos You are in control of everything. Amen to that, really. But Idk why I just feel so hurt now. I feel like I was being used and played around with, and I felt my feelings were being treated loosely like it was nothing. Somehow, somewhere in my heart I feel it's not this way, but actions speaks louder than words and now looking at the situation, I really dk what to feel and what to do. But all I know is that I'm gonna heed advises, and really just follow You. I'm gonna give up alr, I don't think I wanna hold on any longer. I know that You have Your ways of making things turn out the way they are supposed to be, and I really can't tell what will happen, but You know. So for now I'm just gonna give up for real, hold on to it no longer, and let You lead me. Whether or not it happens, years down the road or not, I'm handing it all to You. I'm not gonna bother about it anymore. Even though I always tend to overthink and actually imagine a future and not want to let go, I pray that You pls help me turn away from this. I can't do it without You, it's too painful. Lord let not mine but Your will be done. I will go where You lead me, my Shepard. Take me to my destiny.
No regrets, just lessons learnt.
Forgive me of all my sins Lord. Make me a whole new better person and love people more. Love God, Grow People shall be my life.
Over the past few days, esp Fri and Sat, I really learnt a lot of things. Really thank God for such great leaders He placed in my life. Lord, now I truly understand why I have to go through these and why I chose to. Even though I really miss singing in Choir, and I really miss my Choirmates there, even my conductor lol. I miss going to the Alumni Lounge every Mondays and Tuesdays from 6.30-9.30pm, and I miss having dinner with awesome Choirmates too. I miss the feeling of going there to sing my heart out, and even though it's tough and tiring, somehow I feel rejuvenated for the next day and I feel like there's a hope I can cling on to and run to whenever I'm down, tired or just simply feel like singing. It has been such an integral part of my life (or rather, my whole life). Singing has always been such a joy to me. But now I realised sacrifices has to be made. Discipline and self-control comes in, and all these will work out for Yours and my good. Let Your will be done, Lord. Not mine but Yours be done. I believe Your plan is always the best for me. I must do my parents proud, I can't afford to disappoint any longer. Most importantly, I must do You proud. I want to be a living testimony for You. I'll always miss singing with them, and I feel like a part of my life is gone, but I guess this is part and parcel of life.
I immediately feel a lot better after submitting and opening my heart to You. Thank You, and I love You :')
Psalm 23:2 (NIV)
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress. - Isaiah 33:2
Sunday, January 20, 2013
A million words
My mind is so cluttered with so many things.. I have a million words to say but I can't. Idk what to feel now, and I'm just sick and tired of everything. I'm really giving up this time. I can't believe you spoke with such confidence that day like as if we'd always stick with each other. I knew I shouldn't have placed to much hopes and expectations, I should've listened to others. Thank God for my awesome friends though, they really didn't want me to get hurt too much. Thanks guys :)
I'm really giving up this time, I won't hold on anymore. This will pass very quickly. I hope it won't take long. My mind keeps saying "run as fast as you can". So let me thank you for your time and try not to waste anymore of mine, get outta here fast.
God really taught me a lot, and I will always remember this experience.
I have to get out of my comfort zone, I can't afford to hold on any longer and stay where I am comfortable at. I'm gonna hold on no longer.
Lord, there's freedom from my past, and there's hope in my future. And You are my today, and You are my forever.
I'm really giving up this time, I won't hold on anymore. This will pass very quickly. I hope it won't take long. My mind keeps saying "run as fast as you can". So let me thank you for your time and try not to waste anymore of mine, get outta here fast.
God really taught me a lot, and I will always remember this experience.
I have to get out of my comfort zone, I can't afford to hold on any longer and stay where I am comfortable at. I'm gonna hold on no longer.
Lord, there's freedom from my past, and there's hope in my future. And You are my today, and You are my forever.
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